autumn in blue

nights pass and it seems like days
have passed since I've last seen you
autumn in blue
above us, the stars dance
in an endless twilight for you
autumn in blue
the moon - it wanes its crescent smile as
I wrap my cool arms around you
autumn in blue
lit by its pale light, dusk rolls in
on a heavy cloud for you
autumn in blue
and its luminescent glow holds
and molds to the shapes of our faces there
autumn in blue
heavens canopy hangs low, it feels
so cold without you
autumn.

eyes smooth like glass and I won't ever
look back to see the red embers I made
with you autumn.
silence creeps in with a
never-ending grin and I wait for you
autumn in blue
like death's cold hands, it just seems
to still itself around you
autumn in blue
life is grey and our whispers,
they just fade
autumn in blue
and when the night's red sky dies
with closed eyes, we die too
autumn in blue

I'm off and
my heart is filled to the brim
with love
my mind retreats to older times
I was younger then
things were different
but not much
things usually just seem different...

today, it seems as if I should celebrate
drink to my usual list:

1. procrastination
2. my dreams
3. fleeting beauty
4. old lovers
5. fervent desire

let me ease away those blues

the devil will withdraw his hard-working hand
today I'm born again

And how they said...

"We're born to suffer."

We were born to lose all those (beautiful) things
that we can't hold on to.

--

It's the giving up that is the worst part
It's the letting go.
The giving in.
The selfless goodbye.
Cutting loose all the strings you know.

It's tripping on the way to the top,
that's what shakes a man.

Questions the very future he scripts.
The roads he built, no --
the road he walks.

I swear it's the giving up that feels
less like losing
and more like sobering up.

It's crushing bugs just to feel them crush
Forget about reason or dignity
Far more familiar whores.

It's being down on your luck
that makes you regret
what you're giving up!

I'm careful now,
with the things I say.

(I don't say things I don't mean)

I'm getting older now,
stronger -- I'd say!

these days stretch on forever,
I suppose until I can draw air no longer.

still, I stand firm when tanks roll over,
tread water, breathe fire.

under so much pressure,
and burn, burn, burn with my desires.

this is no laughing matter.

wake up, buttercup,
and I'll fight the weather.

and stand behind a promise
that things will always get better!

for every secret freckle,
for every small cave.
the guard we chose to let down
and every memory made.

for every mile you drove home,
and every second stayed.
and the beautiful mind that harbored
every thought along the way.

for every whispered phone call,
and all the forfeited sleep.
time spent on a crafternoon,
and the cds I let you keep.

every clear blue moment,
and every crashing wave.
the detail in your fine print,
and the attention that I gave.

the road maps our palms present us,
and the future they promise to bring.
for smiles from the inside
from every song I could sing.

for blessing me with these moments,
where my heart settles and stays.
to the god we were unsure to believe in,
I offer sincere praise.

for those tired, labored waitresses
who can't even offer hospitality
to people who secretly need it more than
anything else

for those greedy with opinions
eager to eat you up
eat your desires
eat your ambitions
eat your inspiration

for a reflection, simply human
riddled into oblivion
without any sense of direction

if I turned on your radio, I'd want to hear
a song for the broken-hearted, a song for those
who are lonely, a song to fill my cup with just
a little bit of hope.

like..."I'd never turn my back on you."

I could see you walking from a great distance.
those hills were rolling like waves
from an ocean I'll never see.

still I'll keep moving, though my brakes are on
and have been for a long time.
almost as long, as I've been thinking.

the next few entires...

There is something about being at home that makes writing come so much more easily. The only downfall is that it is two hours away and when you leave your notebook and don't intend to come back after spring break until after finals, it poses a problem for letting you guys see it. i figured since i was in a need for blog entries and my chapbook as been finished for a few days, I had my mom next day air my journal just for this...

I Think It's Trying to Tell Her Something

vegetarian roommate
with her strange food routine
she eats with her index finger
even in the presence
of her children’s spoon.
her stodgy mixture
beginning as NOn flavored yogurt
She mixes in with the finger
NOnfatsugar free chocolate pudding mix
and sweet aNd lOw to taste.
she adds old fashioNed Oatmeal
and graNOla from a bag
with her grand finale
NO sugar added apple pie filling.
the message of the mix
never penetrates
her fingerlicking bliss.

four winds are blowing at this place we've always loved

There’s water near by. Usually a scent I could pick up so easily but it’s late and I’m tired and the tree has been my focus for miles. I heard they took you here. They found you beside me in our bed and carried you away to this place you loved to lie you down. They tried to convince me to stay but I wont I’m coming for you. I will lie beside you and weep until it takes me too. I tried to do it alone but that moon that watched us fall for hours is so different now. Instead of a comforting fuzzy light suspended in the sky it has inverted and is now a gaping hole in the atmosphere and it’s pulling me towards it and everything I once knew is falling in after. I had to get out. I screamed your name but you didn’t come to me. I was angry with you for leaving and me for not leaving instantly with you. it freed me momentarily from the fall. For that instant I ran. I’ve been going barefoot for miles and the sun is starting to rise. In the pink light and starry breeze our tree is stretching its aged limbs, carefully cracking its knobby joints. I can feel that it is changed with you, I can feel where you stretch with underneath, reaching for me. I crawl with bruised hands and scraped knees in the mossy grass above you. The water smell has drowned in earthy dirt. We’re getting closer.

16 Things My Roommate Combines In One Dish

1. Non flavored Yogurt
2. Nonfat sugar free pudding mix
3. Unsweetened Cocoa powder
4. Coffee grains
5. Milk
6. Cinnamon
7. Multi colored Sprinkles
8. Rice crispies
9. Old fashioned uncooked Oatmeal
10. Raisins
11. Frozen berries
12. Sweet n low
13. Special k
14. No sugar added apple pie mix
15. Peanut butter
16. 100 calorie pack oreos

Let me start by informing you I have case of chronic apathy. I am a known fence straddler. Never have I been able to succumb to being a firm believer in most anything. I lack the capability to deny or die for all the main courses of life. For once, I have finally caught my stride, thanks to the inspiration of a certain professor to get to know the crazy of Conway. Who knew an afternoon adventure with my Love would cement my belief in fate, soul mates, heroes and most of all make me optimistic for my days to come being old, crazy, and to my own beat.




In all honesty, this makes me feel a little exposed and (surprise surprise) I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.